“I was melting by means of the floor as I gasped for what felt like my final breath,” reads an excerpt from Zoey Bullock’s journal that she shared in an e-mail. More than the telephone, she agreed to share some of her journal entries with me. She says she generally does not speak about what occurred and up till now, her only outlets have been music, journaling, and sharing pieces of her story with her Instagram followers.
When speaking to the 26-year-old cannabis strategist, there was a resounding terror and heartfelt healing present in her voice as she started to inform her story.
In 2005 when Bullock was only 12-years-old, she was raped by two strangers. “Advanced” for her age, she says at the time of her assault she was hanging about the incorrect crowd, which consisted of 18 to 21-year-olds.
“I was drugged. I could really feel every little thing that was taking place to me, but I couldn’t get them to get off of me,” shared Bullock.
Right after the assault, she was in the hospital becoming treated by a psychiatrist when the physicians decided to place her on the medicines Abilify, Zoloft, and Prozac to aid her deal with the post-traumatic strain disorder (PTSD) that she was experiencing.
“[The] medicines didn’t perform. I just wanted to bawl my eyes out,” mentioned Bullock. “I told my parents that I just wanted to die.”
Hopeless and afraid, her flashbacks have been frequent and intense. “I felt like there was absolutely nothing that could aid me. They would retain switching the medicines and I would get worse,” Bullock told Higher Instances. Inside a year, immediately after attempting so quite a few medicines, Bullock attempted suicide
When she was out of the hospital, some of her neighborhood mates introduced her to cannabis. Her parents have been against it offered her age and the heavy damaging stigma that the plant carried.
“I was fairly defiant as a young youngster immediately after going by means of that. My parents didn’t like me utilizing cannabis, but I nevertheless did it due to the fact it was the only issue that gave me hope and got me by means of challenging days at college,” shared Bullock. “At the time, I was really depressed and going by means of a lot immediately after becoming raped. It helped me out a lot and helped me connect with new mates, as nicely.”
Bullock says that cannabis has helped her handle PTSD symptoms like anxiousness, panic attacks, and flashbacks.
“I get really panicky in some cases more than minor items. It aids me to loosen up. [It] calms me down so I can genuinely delight in the moment and be present,” Bullock shared with Higher Instances. “When I’m medicated, I can fairly considerably stay away from panic attacks. I nevertheless get a bit jumpy at instances, but it is considerably considerably significantly less anxiousness with cannabis.”
50% of PTSD in the U.S. is a outcome of sexual and physical abuse. Analysis has identified that cannabis can be utilised to treat PTSD. In states like Florida, exactly where Bullock lives, PTSD is a qualifying situation to acquire health-related marijuana therapy. THC and CBD can aid folks living with PTSD handle their anxiousness and feelings superior. According to an write-up by the Echo Connection Organization, “The cannabinoids block the continuous retrieval of the traumatic occasion, hence enhancing its extension and minimizing its connected anxiousness.”
Now, as Bullock continues to discover and develop, she is utilizing cannabis to make music, run a thriving organization, and encourage other sexual assault victims to discover joy once more. On her Instagram, exactly where she is identified as Betty Chronix, the green-haired entrepreneur tends to make it identified that she is a survivor, and her objective is to aid modify cannabis culture by means of “authentic connection”.
In one particular of her journal entries she writes:
My five-year-old self was fearless. As I get older and a lot more connected with my goal, I am becoming a lot more of my five-year-old goddess-self who wanted planet peace and happiness. Cannabis was the missing hyperlink that connected me to my destiny.
Right after her assault, Bullock had to relearn the energy of vulnerability. She had been forced to develop up at a young age, which triggered her to come to be closed off. As she got older and explored her connection with cannabis a lot more, she acknowledges that in order to heal she had to share her story.
An additional one particular of Bullock’s journal entries reads:
I was 12 and under no circumstances genuinely told anybody how I genuinely felt or what occurred to me. In higher college […] and all the way by means of my masters, I under no circumstances told a soul how considerably discomfort I was nevertheless holding onto. To this day, I nevertheless jump when doors open or wake up crying from flashbacks. But what tends to make it worth it is ultimately sharing my story to aid other individuals heal. Everyone knew I was effective but what they didn’t know was how I healed immediately after becoming drugged and raped, as I held onto the discomfort in silence for so quite a few years.
“When I began opening up, I realized that there have been so quite a few folks that had been raped and faced trauma,” Bullock shared. “Sharing my story inspired them to really feel comfy with theirs, [make it apart] of their individual brand, and [use it as fuel for] what they want to achieve in life.”
Her story is a challenging one particular to share, but Bullock is discovering peace by means of cannabis. She hopes to come to be an icon in the market by encouraging other individuals to discover inventive outlets. She teaches us that finding out to cope is significant and that cannabis can be utilised as a tool for self-adore and discovery. By very first becoming truthful with herself, she is rewriting the song of her life and encouraging other individuals to do the similar.